Thursday, April 29, 2010

New

New. Fresh. Alive. Growing, vibrant. That's life. That's always life. Once again, that's my life.

How fun. How exciting. How relaxing. How all-encompassing. These are some of the feelings that suddenly are tickling me. Making me laugh.

I still wonder how I can bring this stuff into a career. I know that I can bring a lot to a work environment, but I think that I need more of a work environment committed to doing the same to feel really at peace with a space. I'm not sure how many places are creating these intentions; I may be creating my own workspace to pioneer some of this.

Doing the Work
When I talk with my friends, we talk a lot about doing the work. Clearing stuff internally. When you do the work, things can open up and come into your life. If you don't, it doesn't matter how much spiritual energy gets shot into your system, you won't be able to hold it for very long. Old grudges with family, past griefs with lost lovers, and wishful thinking for days gone past all have to be cleared out. Working on yourself is like a big rummage sale...or a bonfire. Just don't torch your house in the process.

I'm not very grounded with these words right now, so I guess I'm floating a little bit. Working out and walking and hiking are always important pieces to my path. They bring me back down out of my head into the world around me.

Fresh Air, Breathing
I feel like I have space again...to expand. I've been pretty well-confined in what I could do for some time, and a lot of that was intentional. My system was soooo out of whack after I'd moved out of San Francisco. I was struggling on a lot of fronts; I don't think I'd ever been so emotionally out of sorts before. In this last year, I've fought back to my center. Living where I live really helped. I've learned just how important one's environment is in all this. I continue to have a greater and greater appreciation for why people retire from the world during a spiritual awakening process. I really flung the doors wide open, and then it's like I had a stampede through my soul. Not fun. I had to learn just how important ego and closing doors really is after all.

Keep Going

This feels so new. This part of my life. I don't really have a framework for it anymore, and I find myself in the deliciously vulnerable space of not knowing what's coming next. This "deliciousness" is an acquired taste; it was not something that I'd ever appreciated or wanted before. But as my illusions around being able to plan and control my life have fallen away, I've come to appreciate this growing, evolving, ever-shifting part of life. And no more than now is that feeling present. Because I've finished a job, my lease is up, and I can literally go anywhere.

However, I like where I am right now. I am excited about exploring new meditation groups and other spiritual communities around here. But who knows what door will open or what person will walk through that open door. It's all just too new to say.
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