I was talking to my grandma a couple days ago (who by-the-way is an exceptional lady and if she was on facebook, I would tell you to friend her), and we were comparing notes on different aspects of our awareness. She's much stronger in many of the psychic aspects such as astral projection. Personally, I'm just trying to get comfortable living in my own skin again, so I'm not much interested in getting out of my body any time soon (unless the universe decides otherwise, at which one point, all bets are off). My abilities are most developed around my intuitive awareness. That was a huge expansion point in the last three years, and it continues to evolve. However, when you step outside of the box of what society has deemed rational or scientific, it becomes extremely uncertain territory. Even after all the confirmations I've had about my intuitions that I've had through the years, I still get caught in my head saying stuff like, "Really? Why should I go talk to that person?" or "I'll be late if I decide to go to that extra store on my trip" and so on and so forth. But so long as my intuition is not tied up in an expectation or desire, they almost always lead me where I want to go.
Working With Subtle Energy
Energy, by it's nature, is subtle. It underlies everything, but it can be extremely present in a lot of situations. Go to a playoff basketball game during the 4th quarter, and I bet you can feel the excitement and nervous vibration in the crowd. That's not a "subtle" energy in the way that I mean it, but I'm using it as an example so you can say, "Oh, yeah. I know what that it is." Or you can go to a wedding, and in the instance that two people are really love each other, you can really feel that love at the ceremony, especially if most everybody at the wedding really is excited about the union (I've been to weddings where that wasn't the case and weddings where it was; it cuts both ways). I can still remember one wedding where the groom's words and his open heart literally shifted the vibration of the whole room. It was absolutely a gorgeous moment, and I felt it very keenly.
But those are bigger waves in energy fields, and my awareness is getting sharper these days. It's also putting me in places where I feel more vulnerable or uncertain because I feel like I have even less external confirmation that what I'm doing makes any sense. It's like Grandma says with some of her psychic experiences, at times, "You just feel crazy."
In the past several months, I've had moments of being drawn to people that were really strong. One moment in particular comes to mind where the person's energy was so strong that I absolutely had to meet her. Interestingly enough, that connection was what drew me into the conscious dancing circles. A much, more subtle feeling happened to me on Sunday. I was at yoga in the park in Walnut Creek, and I had a woman say that she recognized me from somewhere. While I have been all over the place in the last month and a half, I don't think we've ever met. So the subtly that I felt here was that there was something I had to offer to her, and she was responding to that subtle energy. I went to one of her yoga classes yesterday, not because I needed to go (but it was a good class), but because I felt like I was being of service in some way on the energetic level. I have no idea what that service was, but I said hello again and we chatted very briefly. Obviously, if something is going to come of that connection later on, I'll have to wait and see. But mainly, I'm using it as an example of the types of things that I'm starting to sense and work with and which are really pushing the edges of what even I have put in to the buckets of "rational" vs. "irrational."
Group Energy: There's Only So Much I Can Take
With this cycle of my life, I also know that having a strong community energy is super important to me right now. I am also repulsed by most group energies because they simply don't match me. For me to really open up into a group energy, I have to feel like the space is being kept clean and safe. Otherwise, my energy naturally starts working with whatever issues are in the room. I'm having a lot of difficulty these days with staying clear of other people's issues. There's this vast openness inside me that seems to draw stuff in. It's like having a part of me that has finished working on some aspects (not all) of myself and starts to heal others on the energetic level. I've already had this is problema in the past. I can get sick because of it. The person whose issue is really present in the room may not want to heal and in some way starts to act against me. That person probably doesn't know why he or she starts to not like me, and it sets up a bizarre dynamic that unless this person has a strong spiritual practice requires me to step away from that person or the group.
But in spaces where the space is being held well and the vibration is good, I get a lot out of it. Part of this is because I've been a little bit of a loner for a lot of my life. I think in many ways I haven't been able to find too many people who could play on as many levels as I could play on. So I simply didn't invite a lot of people into my life. This is a varied issue too because in many ways I didn't know how to invite people into my life--who I am now is so vastly different from who I was at 10 and 5 years ago that it's absolutely incredible and in some ways I'm unrecognizable from those earlier aspects of myself. Joining in a healthy group does a lot for me, and I can tend to find a variety of people to interact with on different levels. I do like to break things up by energy center, and since most people don't have the force of awareness that I have in most of their energy centers (nothing wrong with that, I've done a lot of work and continue to do a lot of work to bring that awareness into me), I can find different people to dance with for wherever I am on a given night. Some people can play in that upper chakra energy plane, and some I can dig down deep into tribal 1st chakra stuff. It's lots of fun to have that variety.
5 Rhythms in Mountain View
With all that said, the group energy of the 5 Rhythms class that meets in Mountain View on Mondays is really phenomenal. There's a lot of good energy and diverse people in that space that allows me to really start to open into that space. I feel like I'm still just exploring my body and the energies that move in it, but so far so good. I have a lot of gratitude to the dancers there and to Claire Alexander who is the teacher, guide, and holder of the space.
It's always a little bit of an experiment to learn how to interpret subtle energies, to flow where you feel you're supposed to be. It's not that things will always feel great to you; sometimes the process is to become more comfortable with discomfort. But having friends to discuss this stuff with as well as an openness to the experiences allow me to work through it and find absolutely amazing moments that I never would have discovered if I hadn't given myself space to believe and to trust my deeper awareness.