Susan's latest thoughts on fear and resistance.
I’d like to describe the last week or so as a spiritual "epic battle." Following my latest expansion, I have now been forced into a contraction over the past few weeks. Issues of fear, located in my lower chakras, are begging to be dealt with, dissected, and spit out. I have been struggling with resisting fear in particular. It's so easy to discuss the light and fluffy energy that everyone wants to feel, but this lower dark energy is exceedingly more difficult to talk about. It's probably due to the issues that have been brewing inside us for years, causing us to block ourselves from cultivating who we truly are.
The concept of fear is a lot to chew on. We all have it. If you don’t think you have any fear then you probably just aren't looking deep enough. There are really only two types of emotions--fear and love. Whatever isn’t love stems from fear. Examples include anger, anxiety, worry, rejection, pride. The specific issues I have been forced to deal with are the fear of trusting others, rejection, and financial trouble. I thought I worked through these issues 6 months ago when I filed for divorce due to my husband’s infidelity and my life was turned upside down. Reading other author's thoughts on fear through blogs has been encouraging and helps me realize that I am not alone.
A part of me resists wanting to dive into this subject. However, the resistance makes the fear grow even stronger. The guide for my meditation group told me that sometimes it's not the issue that we are feeling but rather we are feeling the resistance itself. If this anxiety I feel is resistance I am hesitant to want to know what the actual issue will feel like. Anxiety, the knot in my stomach, the thoughts—they are so void with emptiness.
Fear is exactly that--an empty trap. Even the awakened must be more alert to the subtle tricks of fear. Sometimes I feel that as I become more spiritually awakened I can no longer unconsciously ignore the dark issues. I must face them head on. It almost seems like a burden. Yet although I know the ego is a primary tool of survival and nothing more, I also know it is not the True me. Since fear is not the True me, why bother judging it and resisting it? I came to this conclusion a few nights ago after meditating.
I continued to contemplate the resistance of fear while meditating. I realized that resisting fear is like a boiling pot. The more you think about it, the more it grows to the point where you feel you are almost getting carried away with your thoughts. Then I just decided to let go and let all the terrible feelings just pass through me. It was a incredibly vulnerable but cleansing moment for me. As I sat there and watched how I was feeling, the resistance diminished, and solutions were starting come to me. On a separate day of meditation, I felt a huge connection and beam of light coming from my crown chakra. This is said to be your divine connection to the Creator. At the same time I felt a golden ring pass down and around me (like a hula hoop) starting from my head down to my feet. Perhaps this was a clearing moment or a symbolism of protection.
After some meditation, solutions started to come to me and helped me realize that I need to keep open and honest communication about those fears. I found it helpful to discuss my fears with others once I have taken the necessary time to process them myself. The thought of discussing such deep matters makes me feel vulnerable. This is why it is crucial to follow your intuition and choose wisely who you discuss these details with if you even choose to discuss them at all. Who knows, maybe it will encourage whoever you talk with for them to do some internal self work. I have found talking about my fears, when the time is right, often gives a space for me to find answers.
As I continue to digest this concept, I encourage you to look within and see what fears you have lurking in the background. It is going to feel like the most uncomfortable sensation just thinking about approaching the idea of dealing with your fears, but it must be done if you are ready. I try to hold onto the knowing that God will protect me from the unconsciousness of the world, the unconscious ego of me.
Susan started to cultivate a deeper relationship with the Creator four years ago when she was introduced to the works of Eckhart Tolle's, "The Power of Now" by Jim Tolles. Her life has been transformed in countless ways since then.