Rebuilding the Walls, But With a Little More Flexibility
For many people who have always been very self-contained and unaware of how the outside influences them and how they influence the energy of others, awakening into boundarilessness is a shock. Part of the problem is that when you come back into the ego awareness that you normally operate in, you're getting disconnected. If we all stay deeply connected with the divine, then the darkness and the issues of others that get thrown around don't bother us. We can deal with it, or we feel so supported by the divine that a lot of darkness won't even stay in the same room with us. But the nature of ego is to be separate. In many respects, it was doing a protective job for us. It had created a lot of the subtle energy barriers before. They were crude, unconscious, and poorly constructed. For some people, their egos didn't keep much out anyway. But awakening is a shock wave of energy that blows out all the walls, and even though you're kinda in an old ego-self trying to figure out what just happened, a lot of the old walls are simply gone. So you're feeling the depression of the guy on the bus beside you, and you just want it to stop.
This is an area that people specializing in psychic tools are really great for. They can walk you through visualizations, mantras, and energy work to do a couple of things including:
- Understand your own energy field
- Learn to know what is your energy and what is someone else's energy/energetic issue
- Build psychic walls to protect your space
- Learn how to open and close those walls depending on a situation
But I Feel Like I Should Help
Oh, you definitely should help, but we don't need any martyrs. We need you in the fullness of you, not drained and depleted. You have to be careful about your desire to help. It can get you in a lot of trouble, no matter how altruistic it is. Your inner knowing is so crucial to helping you know when to open up to another and when to simply hold your own space with whatever is going on. There is a bigger plan going on, and I don't pretend to know it in all its fullness. If anything, one of the hardest things in life is to see so much suffering and know that at any time someone can let it all go. Suffering is always just a moment--not even a moment--away from being released.
But until someone invites you to do something or gives you permission to help, the best thing you can do is to take care of yourself. The universe is all one after all. So when you take care of yourself, you also are taking care of everyone else.
Movable Walls: A New Ego and A New Understanding
When you're in spiritual awakening, your old ego is being burned up, and you have the opportunity to build a new one. Consider the spiritual awakening like an extreme home makeover. Everything has to go, and then you re-build. Only now, everything has so much more flexibility. The walls move, you see. You can slide them away to fully open up to a moment. You can pull them back when it's raining and windy outside so that you don't get cold and can keep the heat inside. This ego you'll build understands that it's not about you. In understanding that, you unlock everything that was locked up in your old home. This, of course, surfaces a lot of pain. A lot of people go through a good deal of grieving as old pain leaves their energetic bodies. This is healthy and normal. It's the release of poison or blocked energies. Just let them go.
In understanding this, it becomes easier to be with the whole process. But it does require time to rebuild something. It may be a temporary structure, but walking around wide-open is just so difficult. It's why most people would retreat from the world or join a monastery somewhere. All the energies flying around are just too much when all of your energies are flying around. It's easy to get lost or confuse those external energies as part of yourself. Subsequently, psychic boundaries help you to get through your day for a little while, and then you can go home and be a messy.
Spiritual Awakening Is Messy
There is no perfect way to fully embody awakening, and it's all perfect. (I love using paradoxes.) Consider that you're an egg that just got cracked wide open. Stuff is running everywhere. Healers, teachers, guides, and spiritual friends are so important to help put you come back together, but not in the old way. I think that's one of the tough things. You're being re-made in a totally new way. You know the way. You really do. When I'm talking to someone in awakening, I let them explain what's happening and what they need to do because they are right square in the middle of all of their amazing answers. Whenever I'm more concretely directing someone, it's usually to help clear pain to get to that space of knowing. In awakening, you're already there. There's nothing for me to do on that level other than to be a reflector for your light.
But it doesn't mean that you won't try to run back to old patterns. Old patterns cut us off from ourselves, and then we move through another cycle of clearing out karma. It goes like this until we fully let it all go. The awakening energy, however, is an amazing force, so you actually become very good at clearing karma even if it feels like you've done this all before. Don't worry. It will pass. You will be okay, and with a little psychic shielding to decipher where you stop and where the rest of the world begins, you may feel a little more at ease and sane for a time. At least until such time as you're fully ready to let go of all boundaries, and then well, that's a whole other topic.