Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Marriage

Susan shares her recent cross-country journey and thoughts about what it means to come into union/marriage with one's true self.

I am standing in front of the mirror, preparing for the events of the day, once again. Today feels different though. It’s the day of my birth; rebirth. I begin sliding the brush through my dark brown hair. Suddenly I see a woman that is much different from the one I saw exactly a year ago. A different kind of beauty reflects back to me. The moments of concentrated preparation make me feel like a bride before her wedding day. After a few more moments of contemplation, I then realize that this day is hardly ordinary. This day will count as the marriage ceremony to finalize the unity of myself. A calm smile comes to me followed by laughter.

Within hours I find myself, the bride, walking barefoot down the aisle which serves as the Medicine Wheel at the Mesa Creative Arts Center. To feel each rock’s edge against the sole of my feet is almost uncomfortable, yet grounding. It will be the last time I will be able to share in ceremony with my friends in Pittsburgh for awhile. People from many different aspects of my life gather to celebrate the summer solstice. As each moment passes I become more confident that I am here for another reason.

The drum beats immediately unite with my pulse as the ceremony continues. A sense of unity overwhelms me as I hear my voice intertwine with the others of the wheel while we chant Lakota songs of thanks and praise. The conch shell is introduced. The vibration of the shell rapidly flows through my body targeting my heart chakra like a bullet. All is let go.

Tremendous love and support wraps around me like a blanket as the ceremony continues. Brad and Kate, the facilitators, decide to sing a Native American song that was sung at a wedding not too long ago. I don’t know what the words mean, but they seem like they could be vows to my self. I feel the words as the breeze of the air flows by me. Tears begin to stream down my cheeks for the first time during ceremony. An intense and indescribable feeling of unity within myself becomes overwhelming. I feel that every chakra, every part of my being, is ignited. This is what it is like for me to be living in the embodiment of who I am.

The reception consisted of each person presenting me with a candle and a wish for me as I continue to travel on this journey. I connect with each person in a unique way, even with those I only met that day. A friend came up to me during the evening’s festivities. He knew me shortly after I moved to Pittsburgh. I haven’t seen him for almost two years, yet we always managed to keep in touch using the Internet. As the largely built biker dude towered over me, he looked down on me and said something profound. He spoke from his heart and said he saw the terrible pain in my eyes and I let go of that. He continued on by saying, there is no longer pain in my eyes, but only joy. Looking back, I can understand what he meant.

The honeymoon started two weeks ago and will never end. I drove over 2,500 miles by myself with my life partner, Eric, leading the two car caravan to our new home of Portland, Oregon. My trusty sidekick and pooch sat beside me, guiding me as well. As the chaos of moving settled with each passing mile, I realized the journey within myself would continue to go on far beyond reaching our destination of Oregon. We are settled into our new home and creating our own type of spiritual community. Although I am just starting to feel somewhat settled, I am constantly required to take a moment to step back and re-center myself throughout the days. Despite the many changes and uncertainties of living in a new city, new home, with my new self…it all seems right and just how it should be. Being in this moment, watching it pass into the next as I transition is humbling. The moments remind me to be patient. This marriage may feel blissful at times and incredibly dark in others, but will never fall short as long as I remember I am all that I am and have all that I need.

Susan started to cultivate a deeper relationship with the Creator four years ago when she was introduced to the works of Eckhart Tolle's, "The Power of Now" by Jim Tolles. Her life has been transformed in countless ways since then.
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