Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Resisting Empowerment

Some deep thoughts from Susan around empowerment within relationships.

(An excerpt from my journal)

Now I see…the relinquishing of power to another. It goes far beyond the unmistaken example of being in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship. Well past the point of allowing the other to make all the financial decisions or what not. Why couldn’t I see this when my marriage was falling apart? It doesn’t matter now. Now is all I have and I have a choice to make this relationship with myself and all others possible.

I never noticed until about an hour ago, 1 am, that I give my power away in the subtle ways that are often overlooked, especially with men. In the past I’ve always viewed it as showing that I care for the other person, when in reality it is anything but true caring. In doing so I am not caring for myself. I say to the other person, “You really need to make that dentist appointment. You’ve been waiting for almost a year.” I don’t feel like I am being “heard” at times. This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t express my thoughts, concerns, or needs. However, it also doesn’t mean I should give so much of myself that I am functioning with a half empty glass of energy at the end of the day. Hmmm…I can’t even express this feeling in writing. It almost seems like when I am adamantly suggesting something, I am saying it because I love that person. I’m saying, “Look at me! I care about you! I’m giving you my everything, my emotions, my all, because I love you!”

When looking deeper, I can see the origin of me wanting to give power away, which is fear. My ego suggests that if I participate in the above behavior then the affected relationship won’t change, the two people won’t grow apart, and that love is enough to keep the friendship/romance/family together. Perhaps it is a fear of not knowing what is to come in the future. This can be related to the dentist example. “I am afraid if he doesn’t go to the dentist then he will get a terrible mouth infection that will spread.”

One would think in times of fear he/she would resist and hold onto everything. But isn’t giving your power away also a form of resistance? We are resisting trusting ourselves. We resist trusting ourselves to trust the other person to make a decision. What we don’t recognize is that we need to trust that that person will see the event with a sense of awareness so he/she can make the decision that is best for himself.

We give our power away due to social conditioning laws which state if we don’t sacrifice a part of ourselves then we aren’t loving the other person. Hmm..sacrifice. I’ve done a lot of that, but have also given and taken a lot too. That’s the downfall of relationships (or up-fall depending how one looks at it). We all give and take a little, when we are interacting with a co-worker, friends, or taking care of each other when we are ill. I notice myself still resisting that give/take aspect of relationships. It must always be 50/50. Ha!

I notice the fear I have is resisting such events (as mentioned above). I’m resisting the potential that I may give away my power during the courtship of giving and taking. I tell myself, “I must not give away my power whatsoever in this situation.” But really, it is the fear itself that is putting me in a space to do just that which is what I thought I was resisting. It reverts back to the theory of what resists persists. I was yet again caught in the trickery of the ego coming through the back door.

The only thing I can do to truly care and love is to hold that space to love and nourish the Divine power within. I don’t need to get it or learn about it from someone else. I can only take responsibility for my own happiness (as Don Miguel Ruiz states) and not others. I have a choice.

Susan started to cultivate a deeper relationship with the Creator four years ago when she was introduced to the works of Eckhart Tolle's, "The Power of Now" by Jim Tolles. Her life has been transformed in countless ways since then.
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