In these interests, I'm going to share with you my experiences with releasing pain from my energy body and what I've learned from these experiences. Hopefully, you can better understand your own energy and your own healing and/or awakening process.
The Big Bang Comes and Goes: Embodiment and Healing AccelerateIf you've had a big spiritual awakening, you probably got to surf on these waves of bliss or profound inner stillness. Everyone has slightly different qualities to their awakenings, but generally speaking, it feels good. It's like getting your first full cup of pure water after being in the desert. However, your capacity to drink and hold this water of life is very limited. You have no practice in holding it in your space. So when the gallon jug of water comes next, you don't think you can drink another drop. You feel filled to your bursting limit, and burst you will.
Breaking Down the Ego and Pain StructuresA lot of our lives are full of "pain structures." These are the relationships, jobs, tasks, emotional tendencies, physical habits, and mental patterns that only serve to keep pain in our lives. Probably an easy one to identify with is codependence. This can keep an individual chained to an unhealthy and/or abusive relationship because the individual doesn't think s/he can make it on their own. With an awakening, that belief is being dissolved or may be completely destroyed. It's different for everyone. But now the individual has to learn how to live in a healthy relationship. The individual has to learn how to be with healthy (or at least healthier) people. This often brings about waves of new individuals through the person's life as the individual embodies more of the awakening, i.e. as the person is more able to live from this space of awakening on a daily basis. One wave of people will come; you'll learn the lessons; and then they'll leave. Then the next group of people will come. It will take a lot of focused dedication, and the old ego pattern of holding onto relationships simply won't work and may be intensely painful.
Because anywhere the old ego is still holding on, you're likely to suffer. The ego is perpetuating the split inside you that keeps you disconnected from yourself and from God because in awakening, the two are really the same. We are all part of God. We are all connected. The ego's story is always about "I" and being "separate" from others. It's not that we don't make our own choices, but we are so intensely interdependent that the story of independence really becomes laughable. And sometimes, laughter will be the best medicine even if you are laughing painfully at yourself.
Connecting, Healing, Releasing, and Expanding FurtherWith all that said, there is a tidal wave of energy that comes to you in awakening. This tidal wave is you--the fullness of you. In many ways, you are being overwhelmed by you, but let's take it one small step at a time whenever possible. One of the first most important steps is to tune into your needs, how your energy feels, and your cycles for expansion. I've found that I go through cycles of expansion and contraction. For several years, there would be these times of expansion in my awareness and opportunities and new relationships. Then there would be contraction as relationships completed, and I'd shrink down to the lowest energy level that I naturally hold. This is a great gift, and it's something that I can't emphasize enough. When you can't do much and nothing externally is working, this is the time to see where you are still holding pain and issues. These are where you core issues are still chaining you to old unhealthy ways of living. What is sitting at the bottom of your well?
Then if you clear this intentionally with love and awareness, the next expansion can be even fuller and wider. It will go until you get pulled back into a contraction by the next set of chains that are still latched on to you.
The Intensity Builds and Something Breaks OpenA lot of times for my students who aren't in this space, I talk about letting the energy build up inside. This can make you feel like a pressure cooker. For each person this is different. If you are used to 100 degrees, then 110 feels like a pressure cooker. If you are used to 150 degrees, then 110 doesn't feel like much of anything. Each level of healing and release takes different pressure and intensity.
For instance, you may know how to let go of relationships, so that may be easier for you than another person. So the next level of pressure will require you to let go of relationships, a job, and a living space all at once. Those reflections in the external world during this specific timeframe are often reflections of the inner changes going on. And you will also have to stayed tuned into what you need to do in terms of self-care beyond these outer world changes. Inner healing often takes a lot of intensity because we are so used to living in fear and anger and hurt. The intensity is also all the resistance we have to the change, flow, and life that is now moving in us. Consider this like a river hitting a huge dam. It can take a lot of water and pressure to break the dam open--to break you open.
Re-Meeting Old Issues and Finding New OnesI've always found that each succeeding issue felt brand new to me. It got frustrating to the ego parts of me. Sometimes I was healing an issue on a deeper level, which I'd thought I'd already released. Sometimes it was a brand new issue--something that I didn't even know I had lurking in the basement of my energy body. So after having cleaned out something else, you may hope that the deep cleaning cycles are done...Nope. Still more to go.
And when something breaks open, a lot may go through you. You may feel an energy release, which can feel like a tingling, hot, buzz rippling through your body. You may feel lots of the pent up emotions releasing. You may start crying...A LOT. In these moments, you are releasing the pain of this issue or old karma. If it is really intense, you may need some energy support from something such as sound healing (which you can find on YouTube) or even a close spiritual friend of teacher. Most times, rest, meditation, visualized energy clearing (which is easy to learn), and drinking LOTS of water helps you to clear out what just broke open. Some people can get sick or very physically ill. And while I ALWAYS encourage you to check in with doctors for physical illnesses, when it's a spiritual healing in progress, they usually won't find anything wrong with you. You'll just get sent home to rest until it clears.
The Resulting Expansion from Released PainHere's a big sign that you are going through a spiritual process; when the pain/sickness clears, you feel amazing. I've seen it happen in my students. It's awesome. Their whole energy can shift if it's something really big that just cleared. They report feeling more open, more alive, and more like themselves than they've ever felt before. These are key indicators that you have released an energy blockage of some kind. I know that not everyone's process is the same, but I like to highlight this point. Because if you are just getting sick again after clearing the first thing, something else may be going on. You may need more support, or you may be getting the wrong support or be in an unhealthy environment.
Furthermore, don't rush into the next self improvement, mantra, or kundalini yoga exercise after a big clearing. It's important for you to settle into this new space, rest, and redefine yourself. Get used to your energy and the potentially new sensitivities you may now have. If you are in awakening, you can offer the intention to this highly intelligent life force, that you need a pause. I've always found that my energy could give me a few more days of rest before the next wave shook everything up again.
Then the Next Wave of Awakened Energy DescendsFor many of you in awakening, the next wave still may come quickly. That's also because you now have more space for more of you after you've cleared out some of the old karmic trash. So the energy comes to fill up and expand these spaces. In so doing, you get pushed to your next edge, issue, or karma. This energy starts to increase the pressure on those aspects of you, and you may now be drawn to new teachers, paths, friends, and ideas to find the tools that you need to deal with this new level of you. Consequently, the cycle I've just outlined begins anew.
For the old ego, this can get demoralizing, which is why letting go of the remaining parts of the ego become so critical. At each level of healing, we need to let go of ideas about how the process should unfold. So you need to continue to tune into your inner knowing/intuition. It's absolutely critical to determining what you need most to assist this amazing healing process.
A Quick Overview of the Healing Process As I've Seen ItHere's my attempt to boil down the process of releasing pain and healing into a few quick bullets. Keep in mind that everyone's process is different, and when the seas are really stormy, it's hard to get much of any bearings on the process. But here goes:
- Expansion. You are venturing beyond your usual comfort zone. Life is filling you up.
- The Turn. You hit an edge. You start to get pulled back. If you can sense when this turn comes, it can help you to identify what the issue is that is chaining you and is about to be healed.
- Contraction. Your energy disappears for all or most external world things. This is when doing anything in the world blows up in your face. You feel like your body is a pressure cooker. You may feel pressure or extreme discomfort on parts of your body. It's time to self-nourish.
- Dropping Into the Process. Grieving, sickness, or feeling all kinds of upset feelings (fear, anger, shame, etc.) arise. Gentle, loving awareness is needed to see what's going on as well as to help heal it. Find tools and support as appropriate.
- Release. Depending on your process, the release can feel good immediately, or you may go further into grieving or potentially an illness (once again, please, please, PLEASE consult with a doctor for physical illnesses).
- Clearing. You feel the pressure cooker let up. You feel more flexible in your body, more open in your heart, more clear in your mind, more clear in you energy and connections with others, all of the above, or something else.
- Next Expansion. You fill up with more of your light and expand until you hit the next crop of issues and karma that needs to be healed. The cycle renews.
A Journey Up a MountainMy first experience with this type of energy clearing came on a hike up a mountain about 7 years ago. It was such a brand new experience at the time. I was really struggling on this hike and drinking tons of water. I had a sense that something spiritual was up, but I didn't really know what it was. As I mentioned earlier, many people have no idea what it is like to clear an energy blockage, and I was definitely in that group at least as far as my experiences in this lifetime had taught me. I remember when the hike turned into a climb through craggy, crumbling rock. I remember the intense fear that rose up in my chest. It looked bad to me. I was scared to go down. I was scared to go up. So I kept going.
But one interesting thing I did was that I become extremely present when I was climbing. I could find each hand-hold that I needed. Then when I paused, I'd descend into the fear until I felt something move. It was like this chunk of black stuff came up from the pit of my stomach. As it rose, I suddenly realized I was going to cry. It was way out of my experience. And it certainly was outside my comfort zone considering all the social conditioning that goes on about what it means to "act like a man." But it was unavoidable. So I started crying and crying. I'd climb. And then I'd cry until I reached the top.
My brother was there, so I collapsed into his supportive arms. I was so raw and wiped out. It was intense. Yet, I got a glimpse downwards into myself from that experience. I had no illusions that I'd in any way transcended all my fear. Instead, I suddenly saw how much fear there was inside of me, and while the hike back was way easier having let go of this burden that I'd been carrying, I knew there were more of these spiritual ordeals to come to heal my energy so I could just be me.