Ahhhhhhhh...the long sigh of relief. The seas have steadied. The inner shifting has quieted. Thank God. Oh thank God, I'm stable at last.
I know many of you want and need to hear this. In truth, we all come to whatever amount of stability or continued shifting that is natural for us. Much like trees, bushes, and all plants come to a kind of adulthood, we too come to that space where growth continues, but on a much less intense pace. It's a beautiful thing to return to, and yet it is brand new. It is not like the stability that you'd had before, and you certainly are not the same old you anymore.
The Stability That Was BeforeMost of what we all knew as stability in our lives before this spiritual thingy happened to us was a sham. It was made up of lies we told ourselves and a whole variety of distractions (music, drugs, alcohol, sex, work, exercise, and other ways of keeping busy and/or numb). Some of that stability was actually being stuck or stagnant. Sure we were regularly in the same place, but it wasn't really where we wanted to be. Many of us felt frozen in place, trapped, and even a little lost.
Yet, this familiarity was considered a kind of stability that we could trust. It's crazy. Right? For those of you who have greatly shifted or awakened, that old stability is clearly a miserable trap with no way out. Even though many of us have glanced over our shoulders at that old life, the more we rest in our natural awakened awareness, the more ridiculous it is to even consider that old stability as stable. So many painful things often played themselves out in our lives, and we were the regular and willing saboteurs or at least co-saboteurs in these sad little dramas. So when things went sour again, we could feel like we'd been there before and say, "Well, this is just my luck in life." Such is said by the cynical ego that needs to have its cynicism affirmed to affirm itself, and yet in this kind of "affirmation" you are kept locked in pain.
That is no stability I want any part of ever again, and I hope for those of you still glancing over your shoulder, you can start to see the truth of it now.
The Inner Stability of Resting in the NowThe interesting part of this awakened inner stability is that it is so fluid. It's feeling like a mountain and the wind at the same time. The gift you've given yourself in embracing this inner shift is to be able to shift as life demands you to do. There are times for standing firm and resolute in beliefs (like the mountain). There are times for letting go of beliefs and moving with the currents of the moment (like the wind). This is not stupid, servile, weak, pandering, or in anyway unwise. This is simply being present in the current moment and understanding what you are called to do. Life makes us make difficult decisions. That does not change because you awaken. For many of you, you have to make a lot of really difficult decisions during the shift to re-align yourself to yourself. It's such an amazing strange thing to wake up and realize that we've been thwarting ourselves our whole lives. If someone loves writing, but they've gotten an MBA in accounting, following their passion will change their work situation, many of their relationships and personal associations, and quite a few other things. That's all part of you learning to trust yourself and live your life.
The time of immense change is often what I call the spiritual awakening process. We wake up, and then we must re-align to embody the truth within and bring that out into the world around us. As some of those initial changes subside, it's like you come back together or come back down to the earth. And the strength of being united in speaking, doing, and being love is so profound that it can feel like you can never again be pushed over or moved from a spot if you do not choose to move.
The Ups and Downs of LifeYet, I like to remind all of you that life has ups and downs. That's why many of us continue meditation practices, journaling, chanting, spending time with spiritual community, etc. It's not because they "get" us anything. It's not getting lost in the self improvement trap (that's where we're constantly trying to "improve," which requires you to judge yourself and create a whole process to get from point A to a perceived better point B). We do these things because it's like taking a shower; it's a way to stay clean and clear energetically. It helps us be in this world, which is still slinging mud.
We are not perfect.
We can still be upset.
We are still human.
Certainly, the veils of illusion continue to dissolve as and when we're ready, and as additional levels of illusion melt from your eyes, you will see even more deeply. You may find old issues come back, and then some of them dissolve further. The awakening was never about becoming some flawless avatar, but now, you can see what truly does need to change and when to change it. You will experience difficulties and moments of ease in life. This is natural, and it doesn't necessarily reflect that you are doing anything right or wrong. It's too simplistic to say that because you did something in such and such a way that another outcome in life happened because of it. Life is so immensely complex that it makes anything we do excessively minute in importance.
And yet, you will also become very aware of your profound power and that some knowing and actions require the greatest care. Some of you who are reading this are caretakers and wielders of great gifts, and so I hope that you continue to use them wisely especially when life doesn't go your way.
The Removal of the Need for StabilityOne of the things that I've noticed in my own process is that I have much less desire for stability. The thawing out of the iceberg of my life has brought me into an immense amount of fluidity and freedom. Initially, I had a lot of difficulties letting go of my need for stability, but after awhile, it kind of dawned on me that the jobs that I thought were offering me this had me in a mindset that lived for the evenings and weekends. I was living for the moments when I wasn't at work. How sad.
Now my life is much more uncertain, and yet it is so much more joyful, loving, and harmonious. Why in the world would I want to go back to that old idea of stability? And ultimately, there is no such thing. The external world can never give us the stability that we want because in many ways, the stability we truly want is on the inside. Most people don't have that, and many who appear to are simply hiding behind a huge ego mask. So I encourage you to go into this desire for stability--beit in relationships, financial, or something else--and let go of the desire. See what happens and what comes up as you face it.
No Where to Go, Everywhere a PossibilityFor many of you, you've clung on to some place or some area for far too long. Now may be the time to leave. And why not? The more you are resting in that inner stability, the less it matters where you are in the world. Yet, there also isn't a reason to run around. Many people use exploring and traveling as a way to run away from themselves. In the awakened awareness, you know yourself, however. Now you can make conscious decisions--perhaps some of the first in your life. This is a humbling thing, but as you look at the old conditioning from which you were acting initially in your life, you may realize that you've made almost no conscious decisions at all. You were just doing what you were told and what was expected. So you had to find out who you were and figure out what you truly wanted. The more you rest in awakened awareness, the more you naturally know who you are and naturally do what you want to do. It becomes so effortless when you are no longer fighting yourself.
Which opens up the world to you. So you truly can go everywhere, but most likely, you'll have a calling that draws you somewhere from time to time if not more permanently.
The Release of Old Patterns ContinuesAs I mentioned, the shifting and healing will still continue at times. The cycles may simply lengthen out. Or maybe some of you really are done. Your shift has done what it needed to do, and there really won't be too much inner change for the rest of your life. It doesn't really matter. Whatever happens is happening perfectly for you. I know for myself that old patterns are still releasing. I'm seeing more and more deeply into myself and others, and I am finding that love and compassion is more and more present for me in all situations--difficult and painful as well as easy and loving. It's a beautiful, although still challenging reality in my life.
I encourage you to trust your process and to trust this inner stability. It truly doesn't feel like the old kind of stability, although at times you may not even remember what that old kind of stability was like. As you integrate into the same energy vibration throughout your energy system, you no longer have a way to really compare this stability with the old because you don't have the same points of reference anymore. Usually what happens to give you a comparison is that someone you knew from when you operated from the old stability shows up in your life again, and that person becomes a kind of reflection of where you were.
But it doesn't matter. It's not like you consider yourself to be better. That person is just following his or her path, and with a revival and rebirth of inner stability, you will feel more free than ever to follow your path.
The photo comes from my friend and reader, Becky Stiller. You can check out her beautiful work on her flickr link.