Monday, August 12, 2013

Grieving a Lost Loved One

Death is one of the most challenging and potentially most liberating parts of human existance. In our own death, we may finally let go of all the attachments we've had and move into our liberated energy state--the state of our soul. But in the death of those dear to us, we can also find liberation from attachments and ideas about how life should flow because clearly life does not flow by any man or woman's design. Deeper patterns and intelligence are at work, and even though we often do not see these patterns clearly, if ever, there is the opportunity to release more deeply into life when we are confronted by death.

Losing a Child and Other Deeply Loved Ones

In our culture, we are told that there is probably no greater loss than a parent losing a child. I would not rate such things however. Death is death, and all of it requires some level of grieving. In my own life, the most I've ever grieved a death was for an acquaintance from high school. Truly we are all interconnected, and it can be startling as to what deaths require the most grieving of us.

And grieving is important. Grieving is our natural way of acknowledging loss and letting go. For many of you on the spiritual path, you will grieve countless parts of yourselves. In letting go of these attachments, you are actually preparing yourself to more consciously handle physical death of yourself and others, and while I won't say that grieving death will ever be quite a joy (although there can be a way where we celebrate a soul rejoining the greater consciousness of the spirit world), you can be more able to be present to deep pain such as the loss of a child.

Deaths That Should Not Happen

We cannot hold onto any idea that anything "should not" happen on this world. So many amazing and terrible things have happened that any idea that pretends to know what should or should not happen needs to be immediately examined. Where is this idea coming from? What is it hiding? Why do I believe this? These questions can help you turn inwards to dissolve ideas around who should die and how. Because life has shown us that the breadth of possibilities is infinite. We cannot put a container on life. No mental limitations can be created to fully explain life, and only in the audacity of the ego can we presume that our words and ideas will give us safety from the growth and destruction that arises on this world. Death is simply a part of life. Until we can fully come to terms with that truth in ourselves, we will never fully be at peace with the death of others.

Seeing Beyond the Veils

I know that some of you think that speaking to a lost loved one in the hereafter may soothe you, but more often than not, I think this is a way for people to hang on to the passing of the loved one and avoid grief. The spiritual path avoids nothing, and that truly is the best medicine for losing a loved one. Here in the midst of deep unhappiness, we open ourselves again to life. We open, and we look at what is true. And what is true is that we have to let go of someone who has moved on from this world.

For some of you, the removal of attachments and ego issues is allowing you to see beyond this world already. This is a great gift, and it requires a certain level of deftness. I've noticed that powerful psychic awareness can be ungrounding, and some people try to step through those veils of illusion into the spirit world to escape the difficulties they feel here or to rejoin people who have gone before. This should not be done. This life is a gift, and while you are always free to choose whatever you like to do, I always encourage people to enjoy this special lifetime you have on this planet. You will never quite be like you are in this moment ever again, and time in this world is truly fleeting. How quickly it all can go. Which is why grief and death also serve as a reminder that we need to truly embrace ever moment we have in these bodies. The ride may soon be over.

The Urgency of Being You

One of the great truths death brings to us is that there is no time to waste to live our lives. I listen to so many people putting off the spiritual path and self-discovery. They act as if it is inconvenient. Instead, they let themselves get wrapped up illusions and chasing things that they don't fully understand why they are chasing. Truly, you can live your life anyway that you like, but so many people eventually find piles of regrets building up on them. They wonder how they got to where they are in life. They begin to realize how unhappy they've always been and that they've been running from unhappiness their whole lives, and these are just the lucky ones.

But today is our gift. It is our chance to fully embrace life, and death shows us that we never know what is around that next corner. We do not know how much time we have on this planet, and we do not know how long any job, relationship, or anything else will last. So enjoy today! Enjoy your loved ones! Enjoy being you, and if you don't know who you are, then get started finding out today!

The Melting of Grief Into Acceptance

Each level of us heals and grieves in its own time--heart, body, mind, and spirit. Trust that process. It truly is the only thing to do. Trust and allow the arising of grief, and melt into release. Let go of the one who has left you. Honor their life and their contributions to your life no matter how small and brief, how joyous or how painful. Then just let go, and hopefully, their death can be an inspiration and reminder about the beauty and ephemeral nature of life so that you can fully embrace being you.

For some more thoughts on this topic, you can watch this YouTube video:
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