My journey back to Spirit has led me down many paths--some quite dark--where I felt very alone and lost. This poem attempts to express some of this part of my journey and being helped out of the darkness by trusting in the inner knowing part of me, my Universal self which I had cut myself off from.
Through my past noise and my torture
I heard the call of my true nature
It lit a spark and became a fire
That burned (and continues to burn) all the murk, dirt, shit, and darkness to dust.
In all of this, trust in my knowing, in my inner voice was a must and something I had to relearn. I have learned so much from reading the wise words and truths of many awakewned and loving teachers, but one of the most prevalent and important in my life has been Jim; the founding father of this sacred site.
I have had the very fortunate opportunity to have found Jim's words through his blog and through one-on-one Skype sessions, and I am lucky to receive his wisdom and light which he has and continues to share with such humility, love, compassion, understanding, gratitude, joy, ease, warmth, and humor.
Jim, I am eternally grateful for what you have given me in simply being you! You have helped hugely and continue to help hugely in the healing of my heart and some very broken off parts.
TrustMy head in my hands,
hands held up only by the floor, couldn't stand.
Didn't know how,
who or what I was anymore.
So dark and stark!
Stale air and I'm groggy,
Life was flat, fruitless, and foggy
as I crept and crawled through its crowded, tainted halls.
Tainted, dense with fearsome figures dwelling
made of grime, slime, and muck.
Grumbling, mumbling, gasping, grasping, telling
tales born of tired thoughts, buried beliefs, and trapped emotions stuck.
Body, mind, and soul Exhausted!
If this was it, I wanted out!
Too much pain!
I could suffer no more!!
Then distant and small
I heard my savior, a call
A voice, abiding always down there in the deep
To wake me from a long, lonely, dark, and dreadful sleep.
This knowing voice grew
although still nothing I knew...
It whispered wisely, "What is real?
What is true?"
The mumbling monsters of life's dark halls
Disappeared as did the walls.
This voice and me on some soft sure level agreed
Nothing need be done only bask
in the questions asked,
Melt and trust into this as is now.
It spoke now in rhyme and song
Wore down any lingering doubt that it might be wrong
"You can trust
And you must
If it's all you ever do"
"Stay with me
You are free
This you know
Just let go
of all that is not now, is not love, it's not real!"
"It's quite simple!
That's the deal
Dust off and reveal
what you know to be truly you, what you are right here and right now!"
"That which is bright
sometimes smeared in shite
Mucky, murky mess
sometimes the dress
All part of the terrain
That comes and goes in this game."
In which you can become stuck, be derailed.
Caught up in your dress.
Drop your anchor into the nude now
and let the detail sail through."
It's ok to be the True You!!"
The delicate flower picture comes from my friend and photographer, Becky Stiller. You can see her work on her Flickr account.